Question

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In our country we have got different types of education: primary, secondary and higher education. I have passed these three steps of education.
I started my state primary school, when I was seven and went to there until I was ten. Then I went to a secondary school and left it when I was seventeen. After finishing the 11th grade, I passed the EGE and are then awarded a Certificate of Complete Secondary Education (ATTESTAT) in July.
Now I entered the university «RANEPA». I’m in my second year at the University so I’m a sophomore. I study full-time and pay for tuition fee. I live in a home because I come from Moscow, but some students rented accommodation. After I graduated from university, I get a Bachelor's degree.
In winter at the end of the term we are going to take exams. After that we are going to have winter holidays.

Answer 1

I started my state primary school, when I was seven and went to there - went there правильно, без предлога
until I was - until I became лучше
I passed the EGE and are then - лишнее слово
I study full-time and pay for tuition fee - лишний предлог
I live in a home because I come from Moscow - I live at home because I am from Moscow
but some students rented accommodation - rent. прошедшее время тут неуместно
After I graduated from university, I get a Bachelor's degree - When I graduate from the University I will get a Bachelor's degree
After that we are going to have winter holidays. - здесь лучше взять конструкцию будущего времени we will have