Очень прошу. Помогите исправить текст на правильный
Dear Mr.Williams,
I'm October Katya and I organise habitation for a group of students who will be staying for three weeks in London. I am writing, because I need asking you some questions which interest me, and students.
Firstly, in your advertisement written about furnished and self-contained rooms. What include this words? Students need bed linen, towels, hair dryers and teapot. I hope, you have this things.
Secondly, we are a group of 14 members, and I'm interested how many does each sleep in each bedrooms? I need minimum three people in every rooms, and it would be nice , if those rooms were on the same floor. We will be staying in earlyJune for three weeks. What about cost? And maybe you will give me a discount, because we chose you?
Finally, what facilities you mean in advertisement? Such as shops, swimming pool or cafe? Inform me about the recreational facilities, worth-visiting places and things-to-do in this area. Finally, please do inform me, how can I book the reservation your rooms.
Look forward to receiving the information as soon as possible from you. Thank you in advance for your kind cooperation.
Yours sincerely, October Katya.
Ответы
2 абзац
1. Имя ставится перед фамилией - Katya October
2. Возможно, вместо habitation стоит поставить accommodation как жилье
3. I am writing to find out more information about your advertisment. Students and I have some questions to ask you. - в этом абзаце я бы написала так вместо 2 предложения
4. Firstly, secondly, finally лично я бы не использовала, это же не эссе с аргументами
+ сюда же, повторение finally в одном абзаце
3 абзац
5. "written about" стоит заменить на "you mention".
6. "What include this words?" - очень непонятная формулировка, даже не знаю как перевести это предложение. Я бы написала так:
Could you tell me what facilities are available in furnished and self-contained rooms? I also would like to know if bed linen, towels, hair dryers and teapots are included. (это вместо 2 и 3 предложения)
4 абзац
7. Would you mind telling me how many beds are there in each room? - сколько мест в каждом номере? It would be nice if there are rooms for three person on the same floor.
8. Не знаю, считать ли это ошибкой, но есть повторение того факта, что вы остаетесь на 3 недели. Думаю, стоит объединить информацию в одно предложение и оставить в начале
9. Could you say, what does it cost to stay in your (hotel, если вы пишете об отеле) for three weeks? Also I'd like to know if there are any discounts (for students). - нельзя в формальном письме писать прямые вопросы, а выпрашивать скидку просто невежливо, лучше ненавязчиво узнать о возможности скидки :з
5 абзац
10. I'd be grateful if you tell me about additional facilities such as shops, swimming pools or cafes. Could you please inform me(...)?
11. Would you mind also telling me, how can I book(...)?
6 абзац
12. В конце просто пишут "I look forward to hearing from you", без каких-либо благодарностей
По сути, я просто изменила твои вопросы - это главная ошибка. Всегда надо вежливые формы ставить по типу "could you please...", "would you mind..." с: